I visited gurudeva hans neukomm, the author of Cyberspace Ashram for Kriya Yoga, God and Love, for the first time on September-October 2004. I took off for Manila, Philippines from Bangalore. I was simply happy and cheerful. Probably I had consumed all the ecstasy about the visit in following days of visa acceptance, which eventually happened after it got rejected twice. From Manila , I took a bus to Balihai Resort, Bauang, La Union, where my gurudeva was residing at that time. Beside me, some of his other disciples were expected to come there.

I reached at Balihai in the midnight. I dropped my luggage in my room and left immediately to meet gurudeva. The time finally arrived to meet the Person, which I had been longing to meet for past few years. Here was the Person within the vicinity, whom I love the most under sun, without even seeing him. Here was the Person behind the door, who gave me the true meaning to my life, who showed me the path of love to God. Here was the Person just a knock away, who has been in my heart and mind ever since I know him, who if asks I can leave the entire world to follow him. And FINALLY here was that Person HIMSELF in front of me!!! I hugged him straightaway. It was a very emotional moment for me, I could not help sobbing. Tears rolled down continuously.

You may want to know, how did I feel? I felt tremendous joy. My body became numb, my breath almost stopped. All the chakras started rotating like a turbine. I felt very light. I felt as if the whole world came to a stand still. Everywhere, it’s full of light – golden light. I felt as if I was in heaven.

The description in paragraph above was what more or less I expected to happen. In reality nothing such happened. It was very normal – very normal compared to my expectations. I was aware of the fact that I would experience what I deserve and not what gurudeva is capable of giving me, I had ascertained myself that “I do not have expectations” before coming here – whereas probably subconsciously I meant the opposite.

Then we went to meet Fabio, Galina and Georgi, who had already arrived from Italy and USA . First, he took me to Fabio – very loving guy. We hugged and bowed down to each other. Galina and Georgi, busy in the room loving each other , were informed about my arrival. They said they would join us in the bar for coffee.

It was past midnight, we were in the Balihai resort bar. Just around 50 meters away from the ocean of water – and a meter away was the ocean of love. So near was I to the Ocean that my limited senses could not perceive the ocean more than a pool of water. Unlike the ocean of water whose depth you may imagine by its roaring wave, the ocean of love was calm and composed in its demeanor.

We had general talks, technical talks but I do not remember any spiritual talk. First day observation:- Gurudeva is fond of coffee and talks about technical stuff a lot. Gurudeva’s one of the foremost lesson, why pray to God only, why accept God in your life as your Guru, never pray anybody else, however divine he is. I always pray only to god. Had I been praying to
Gurudeva, I would not have prayed to him that night. Back to my room from long midnight-till-dawn coffee session I started praying to god. I complained to god that I did not feel anything special near to my expectations. I observed that the immense love that I claimed to have for Gurudeva was missing in my heart. Probably it was like a kid who was angry on his father after he did not get a toy from his father which he expected. But the kid was aware that his father loves him a lot and there has to be valid reason.

The silly ego showed its character. Expectation caused the problem. It proved my love to be impure and to a level selfish as well. And I was pretty aware of it. The faith in Gurudeva was still very strong though. I was wandering what would have happened to me had I got the visa before and come here a year before when my faith in Gurudeva was just blossoming.

The night I arrived there, Fabio’s relationship with a girl was just starting. Actually, when we went to Fabio’s room to meet him he was with the girl. When we were talking in the bar, the girl was around. Gurudeva advised Fabio to look after her as she was feeling lonely and unattended. Fabio and the girl talked for a while after sometime Fabio went back with the girl in his room.

This kind of scene I witnessed for first time in my life. Being a disciple of hans I did not have any prejudice against this even though my upbringing has happened in a society where this would certainly raise many eyebrows. But this was not without any effect in my heart; mmm may be mind. Unlike “middleclass” society in India, where sex before marriage is considered wrong, it’s so easy to have sex there in Philippines. A thirty years aged man who never indulged in sex before it was a good place to loose his virginity. I deeply wished to god that “I want to fuck a girl” in this visit here. Did God fulfill my wish? Read on …

Next day my eyes zeroed down on a girl, who looked ok to me, among the girls working in Balihai resort and started staring at her. One can relate my situation sarcastically to the scene in the Hindi movie Padoson, where the Hero wanted to slap the Heroin and was after her. My intention was obvious – hey! not to slap but to…yea you got that right:-) I did this for couple of days. The girl was bit surprised! probably – but unlike the heroin in the movie she was not terrified.

Those days, Gurudeva started the Secrets of Love – Solutions of Love – Love and Romance in the Philippines blog. There he posted a secret of love – never kiss a girl wearing dark color lipstick. All the girls in the resort wore heavy lipstick, probably except one girl who had a boy friend and was pregnant . In due time my hysteric interests subsided.

During my stay there, few occurrences I experienced Gurudeva’s omnipresence. Actually, for many of his advanced disciples it’s very normal. It’s as normal as we feel the wind flow. It’s so obvious that one would not feel like writing or even talking about it. It’s only for kids in spirituality like me and many of you, it’s new and fascinating. I felt silly and awkward to write these but I would still like to write these experiences because it fascinated me then, if not now.

The very first night when I arrived there, I put my luggage in my room and wanted to lock the room and go to meet Gurudeva immediately. But I tried for some moment but it was different lock system for me, which I could not figure out in minimum time and left it unlocked and went to Gurudeva. After long hugging and formal talk, the first question that he asked me if I have locked the room. When I said I haven’t, while on the way to Fabio’s cottage instead of asking or suggesting me to lock the room what generally you would expect, he directly showed me how to lock

There was a conversation going on about feeling metaphysical energy. Gurudeva once told me that the fingers are like light beam, emitting meta-physical energy continuously. In the process of kriya yoga practice the vibration of physical body of a god seeker rises. His senses start feeling the meta-physical energy better and better. Gurudeva inquired if I can feel the energy emitting from my own fingers on my palm, which I was not. But I could clearly feel energy emitting from his finger on my body. This was something new to me. Georgi added to my fascination; he spread his arms wide making the palms facing each other and showed me that even energy emitted from fingers from such distance also can be clearly felt. Georgi and Galina even spoke of their experiences about it like how it started. Galina told me that initially she started feeling the aura of flower plants. Greorgi told me that “this is nothing” – meaning sensing energy of fingers on palm may be just a start to meta-physical energy sensation. Talking on same subject Gurudeva told that in his childhood he used to locate the water source by sensing the energy emitted by water. Fabio told me that in his teens he used to play with energy ball. Wolfgang, who likes Linux much more than Windows, commented that “if you have Windows OS one side and Linux OS other side you can clearly feel the difference” in quality by feeling the energy emitted by the respective OSs. One day I was with Fabio in Balihai restaurant. I was trying to feel my energy emitted from my fingers on my palm. Fabio also checked whether he could feel any energy from my hand. It was not much, may be very mild. After some time I went to Gurudeva’s room for some reason which I do not remember now. After I was done with the work when I was about to leave his room, Gurudeva interrupted me “gopu wait”. He asked me “you don’t feel the energy”. Probably I answered in negative but he was not waiting for the answer. He started whispering something in his mind with his fist close to Kutastha. He did something on top of my head and then in my back. As soon he started doing this I started experiencing a sudden uprise in energy movement in my back. Starting from my Ajna charka to Svadhisthana charka it was a hyper energy movement. Since I had lot of blockages, which I still have, the energy movement was far from smooth – it was strenuous if not painful.

The above was not the first time – I had a similar experience a year or so before my visit to gurudeva. I was in my room in Bangalore sitting on a coat just thinking about gurudeva. Deeply from heart silently I asked “gurudeva I love you so much, don’t you love me?” Oophhhh !!! Immediately, a sudden flood of energy started penetrating through my skull. I felt as if my skull was being drilled down. It was somewhat painful probably because of huge load of spiritual blockages in me. After that incident, for few days I felt prana flowing through Sahasraram Chakra like a “leakage” in skull. In few weeks I managed to block it myself

Once I told Gurudeva that I want to become a spiritual healer. Gurudeva asked me “tell me out of so many saints mentioned in Autobiography of a Yogi how many are healer?” I replied “none”. He continued “There has to be a reason why it was so. If a person has taken huge loan from a bank and you want to pay the money to free him from the loan, actually you free him only from the temporary loan he has created but his ability to further create debt is still there in him.” I understood that healing the illness, disease or karma caused by a person makes sense only if he has learned from the past not to repeat the same mistake again.

That day I dropped my fancy to become a healer once for ever, because I want to love beyond just healing.

One day when I got up from my sleep in the middle of the night in my room, I realized that Kriya Pranayama was happening automatically. I understood that Gurudeva was doing Kriya for me at that time.

Towards the end of my stay in Philippines, I was with Gurudeva sitting across a dining table post our dinner. I forgot what exactly we are talking at that time. During this time my attention went to a girl around twenty miters away towards the sea. She was talking with her friend. For some reason I was curious to see her face which I was unable to because I was facing her back. After some time she turned back and said hello to me. I reciprocated but was bit surprised; probably her friend told her that I was watching her for sometime. After sometime she called me to her. Bit taken aback but I went to meet her. After some general talks she asked me if I have any girl friend. I answered in negative. She was surprised to hear that. She said that “you are a handsome guy, how come you do not have any girl friend”. Hmm, till now I knew beauty lies in beholder. Probably handsomeness also lies in beholder . Suddenly she, with folded hand, started pleading me to make her my girlfriend. I told her that how could I do so when I did not love her yet. She wanted to come to my room in the night and asked my room number. I was aware why was she asking for room number. I gave my consent and told her my room number. With an ending note to meet her in the night, I came back to Gurudeva.

I narrated everything to Gurudeva what all we talked there. I asked him whether it’s right to have sex with her if she comes in the night. He asked me if I love her. I said I do not love her. Then he said that be aware that she can become pregnant. I exactly do not remember what all Gurudeva advised me that night but whatever he said it was just reiteration of his writings that he has published in his site. Google for sexuality and partnership, you will find hundreds of articles on sexuality, love and spirituality in his site.

I went back to room and decided that I will not have sex with her if she comes. No sex without love. As usual I took bath and started practicing kriya yoga. I was not so much deep into kriya practice when I got a call. It was from the receptionist. She said me that “a girl in reception who says that she is your companion wants to come to your room, should we allow her?” The way she put the question allowed me to say No. Had she asked me if I was expecting a girl tonight then I would have said Yes. Probably after that she also asked if she can send her to my room. I said No. The episode did not complete there. After around 10 minutes somebody knocked my room. It was that girl. Somehow she convinced the receptionist and came to my room with a security. Later, I realized, probably that was God who arranged the means to fulfill my wish that I made to Him few days back, just standing other side of the door. But before that He also conveyed the possible consequence of my wish. But then I had changed my wish. Instead of fucking a girl I wanted to love a girl now, whom I should feel as mother of my kids. I did not respond to her for some time. Why did I not response? Definitely very bad on my part. But till now I am not very sure why I did not want to face her. Could it be that I feared that she would come forcefully inside my room and will not leave? Ridiculous, I even prayed God to send her back; it could mean that I was so weak to do that myself :-):-) When I think about it now, I feel ashamed. After that, when she did not go and started knocking hard at the same time calling my name loudly but sweetly I opened up the window!!! But not the door. I told her that I thought lot about sleeping with her and concluded that “no sex without love”.